The truth

I can't sleep and I need to get this out: every once in a while, I hope my dad finally drinks himself to death. It's horrible and I feel guilty thinking about it, but I want it to happen.

He's getting worse every month. More vile, more narcissistic, more addicted. It's surreal to me that a person like him can even exist. I swear that I've never heard him say a single humble thing in my whole life. He constantly brags and boasts about himself, while putting others down. He never apologises, barely shows any gratitude and criticises us for anything we do. If he earned money for every hateful word he says, he'd be a billionaire.

He burned his food yet again this weekend (a very common thing in his arsenal) and filled up the entire house with smoke. The stench was just abysmal. I opened all windows and told him to install the mosqito mesh door to get rid of the smoke quicker and prevent Marston from escaping. He didn't do that, closed every window and called me an idiot. His words don't matter to me, but I'm tired of being called names for doing right things.

I know he doesn't like me, he perpetually whines how useless I am behind my back. The fact that I care for all our pets, cook for my mom and clean the kitchen every single day (so mostly his mess) doesn't matter at all. It's nothing for him! I could do more... I could absolutely do more. If I lived without all of this stress and frustration. If I slept at night without having to hear his infernal snoring. If I didn't receive backlash for trying my best.

When he plants a bush nobody even wanted or needed, he paints himself a hero. He set up a garden just to escape his job and other responsibilities, and his plan has been working perfectly so far. It's just a tiny garden, tending it wouldn't take any sane person more than 30 minutes per day. But he always uses it as an excuse for virtually anything and his "tending" is often reduced to begging the neighbour to fetch him more alcohol. We asked that neighbour to stop, but to no avail.

I am so, so tired of him. He's an obstacle in everyone's way. Without my dad, we could all open a new chapter in our life... I'm waiting for death to hurry up, either his or mine