Oh God, I don't miss my old life at all, however this new one is so exhausting, more than I could ever expect. Sometimes I just want to heap up a giant supply of chocolate and bury myself in the bedding with it, and stay there forever. I feel bad for not keeping up with people, you're all far more important to me than you possibly think! Once I said I have no friends outside the Internet. Nothing has changed. But there was always someone who wanted to stay a little bit closer to me, just in order to exchange few words per day. I lack social skills to the point I thought I didn't need anyone, yet I was wrong. Everybody needs somebody. And right now there's no one.
I'm not coping with my studies very well, too... Just at the very beginnig I made so many mistakes, they haunt me all the way. I really wish I could press the 'restart' button, forget everything I did. I already thought about resignation quite a few times. I'd rather find an easy job, open commissions along with it, save some money. I want to change my life, and it requires money! And then take up studying in the next year. But how would my family react? I can almost hear them all babbling how immature, irresponsible and dumb I am. Dammit, I've been told I was stupid countless times. I already know I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I learn very slowly, no matter how hard I'm trying.
Oh! And please don't feel sorry for me, I'm not sad. Just torn, maybe a little lost, too. I tend to bottle up my problems and when I finally tell my parents what's going on, they don't care as much as I'd like them to. It's probably not their fault, under such circumstances they have the right to think I'm only having a whim... But that kinda hurts, yeah. Please always be open about your personal problems! That's the best thing you can do.
So I didn't get any sleep tonight, but I got the chance to doodle something instead. Sometimes drawing can be more refreshing than sleeping :3
A really, really belated thank-you doodle for Sarah 'cos she made this wonderful gift for me when I was going through one of my downs! (it's my wallpaper now <3) Forgive me these sick colours and for some reason I drew myself huge (or Jeanie so small?), whoops. It was really fun to draw regardless!
I think I finally came to like drawing bluesman, too. Maybe I'll adopt him as a character soon? That would be really odd, yet it's much easier for me to come up with short comics featuring him, not my sailors. Here's one from 2010 and the worst thing is that's still pretty much actual. Only my burping got so bad that even neighbours can hear it, and they're probably horrified everytime it happens!
!!! first of all, i'm really glad to hear you're alive :D i was just wondering about you last night. i still check your blog every day and get excited when there's a new post (text or drawings, i love both!). your new life sounds extremely hectic, but i hope you still get the chance to enjoy yourself now and then! it's wonderful you were able to escape the negative atmosphere in your home.
ReplyDeleteboy can i ever relate about needing friends! we capricorns sure do seem to have trouble with that, huh? ;D i'll go months without wanting to talk to people, then suddenly be struck with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. but since i withdraw from people for such long periods of time, when i need them, they usually aren't there anymore. don't worry, though, cos you're never truly alone. true friends understand life isn't always easy, and they wont just desert you cos you lose touch with them for a while :3 lots of people care! jim and i think of you frequently. i know i've said it before, but if you ever need to talk/vent to anyone, never hesitate to give me or jim a shout! you don't even need a reason. we're always glad to year from you and always there if you ever need an ear! <3
i'm sorry your studies are giving you so much grief :c i didn't make it to college, so i can only imagine what you must be going through. my parents weren't happy with my decision, but i honestly don't regret it. i think it's most important to do what you feel is right! others may disagree, but ultimately it's your choice and your life! pay no mind if they try to put you down. you're you, not them!
i don't really talk to my parents about things either.. my mom thinks i don't have feelings because i don't let them show in real life anymore haha. that's cos i'm a big crybaby online instead ;D it's important not to bottle up your feelings, though! even just writing about them can help. and friends are there to share in your happiness, but also to help shoulder your burdens :3 nobody should have to face their troubles alone.
WHA! wha..!! silly, i didn't expect a thank-you for that ugly sketch! you are far too kind to me, my word! i just wanted you to feel better! all i ever draw for you are scribbles, and then you go and make these wonderful inked and coloured pictures.. i don't deserve them! i feel so honoured that you drew jeanie with bluesman, and i love the colours you chose :D the orange and yellow remind me of pumpkins and that shade of blue is really relaxing! holy smokes, you have no idea how much i adore this <3 it's exciting to hear you say you might make bluesman a character too, and i hope you do! i wanna know more about him and someday actually draw him properly. oh, and even if you're not much taller than me in real life, i love the contrast in sizes here. i think of jeanie more like a kid sometimes anyway, so it makes sense for everyone to be taller than her ;D she looks so proud! and bluesman's giant grin is adorable. my gosh, thank you so, so, so much!! <3 i feel awful you lost sleep drawing this, but i love it more than i can even put into words! and that comic is hilarious :D i wish i'd been following you earlier on dA so i could have seen more of your art from back then. you're masterful with timing and expressions. the simplistic style you use for comic strips is perfect, makes me laugh out loud!
i'm gonna run out of space to type soon, so i guess i better wrap this up! i wanna apologise first for how long it's taking jim and me to send your package, though! we wanted to when we were together, but cost of gas/groceries during the trip was a bit higher than we anticipated and we ran out of funds :c we didn't forget, and we're still gonna when we can!
thank you for checking in, and again for the wonderful picture! i really hope life gives you a break soon! and please don't worry about responding to this if time slips away from you again :) take care!
Thank you! Staying alive is kinda hard here, I really wish I could update more often than just once a month. I'm glad you check my blog daily, though :3 That's right, living in home was slowly driving me crazy, I don't want to go back there ever again. I think everyone has to break out at some point!
DeleteGosh, exactly. Loneliness can hit me like a brick sometimes, but when I finally go among other people, I put on my grumpiest expression and never contact anyone first. The worst thing is, I do it automatically, without realizing it :c Making friends over the Internet seems much more laid-back to me. I take a lot of comfort in knowing that you and Jim care! You both cross my mind constantly, too. I always check what's up, even if I don't leave any feedback. I will always be grateful for your friendship <3
I'm glad you were able to stand your ground! :3 I honestly admire it, I just wanted to take a gap year, but I couldn't carry my point even in that case. Now I regret I gave up too soon. Everything seems to be falling apart, but I'm going to have a talk with my mom tomorrow, hopefully she understands.
Aww, your drawings are way too adorable in ANY form, from sketches to finished pieces! They boost my mood everytime I look at them, how could I let that unrewarded? :D I'm so happy you don't mind the colours. They're freakish, but I got too lazy to use the right ones, haha. And yes! Bluesman certainly will be my character, even though that doesn't make any sense 'cos he is me ;D
I'm glad you like it! Don't be sorry for my sleep, I couldn't spend that night any better! Haha, oh snap, I hate that comic and the style, but as I found it I realized that some things never change :D It's a good thing that doesn't turn you off, though!
Ahh, I don't want you to go bankrupt because of me D: Please don't feel pressured to do anything! I am patient, but I certainly don't want to clean out your wallets. Don't worry about me, I am rather well-fed at the moment!
Thank you for the comment! You've really outdone yourself, I didn't expect such reaction :3 Reading your comments feels like winning a prize. I hope you're doing well, too!